May 30, 2007

life's speed limit

Does life have a speed limit? Who gets to decide just what that limit is? Are there 'police' who can ticket you for going too fast or too slow? Should there be safety rules?

I reckon you could consider general health a good indicator of what a speed limit should be. In that case, your body would be it's own police... if you are going too fast, and you are physically compromised... then something will crash... a heart attack, for example. I suppose the safety rules, in this case, would be kinda like common sense... eat right, exercise, etc, etc, etc.

But what I'm talking about, I suppose, is more of an emotional speed limit. Ever have one of those days / weeks / months / LIVES, where you feel like you are just full throttle all the time? I mean, top speed, never slowing down, just going, going, going?

This, for me, translates to giving, giving, giving... to everyone around me. (I have to offer my disclaimer at this point... to all of those close to me who read this: Please, please do NOT read this to say that you are sucking the ever lovin' life out of me... YOU *aren't*... and you'll get it, in the end... I promise :) )

It's like life is sucking the life out of me. Constantly demanding that I give to everyone and everything around me, with or without my choosing.

A few things to clarify... 1) my kids - I would, without question, lay my life down for my children. I *never* feel like they are a burden to me. That's not to say that they aren't demanding... they absolutely are! They do suck the life out of me... but understand, that it is life that I happily give... rather enjoy having it sucked from me ;) 2) my husband - the true light of my life. My true love (insert cheesy moment here). I adore him, cherish him and love him with all I am. I quite happily give everything I possibly can to him, never feeling as if it's a burden... quite the opposite... giving to him keeps me going some days. I was just telling him, last night, that this is quite unusual for me, actually *enjoying* my mate's company after being with him for any length of time... at this point, in my previous long-terms, I've, to put it bluntly, grown weary of my 'significant's' company. Not the case at all with him. And that makes me happy :) 3) my family - pretty simple here... generally speaking, we just don't do that to each other. We happily give and take without resentment or misgivings. We're just there for each other... and that's understood.

Back to life... I suppose it's hard to explain. Life. The ins and outs of everyday stuff... just sucking the life outta ya. I, much to my dismay, tend to devote way too much energy to things that really don't deserve that amount of attention. I don't really understand it. Sometimes, I even do it at the expense of either #1, 2, or 3 above. How backwards is that? Slowly, I'm learning how to truly put things into perspective and to no longer be the doormat for certain people to wipe their feet on... a position I, at one point in my life, just unconsciously assumed... over and over again. Maybe it became expected? Maybe it just became auto-pilot for me? Who knows... and does it really matter?

So, what in the world does this have to do with a speed limit for ... what? What in the hell was the title of this post, anyway??? Jeez, Mrs. Rambler... go off on tangents, much? Helloooooo... remember us.... we're the ones who so graciously stepped into your little corner of the web to have a peek at your blog... yoo-hoo!!! We're beginning to wonder whyyyy-yyyyy?!?!?!??!

Ok... so, you feel like you just keep going, non-stop... giving all along the way. Going... never-stopping. I fall into bed... every ounce of my body hurting (related to previous 'pain management' post). Literally crashing, night after night. Sometimes, having to be awoken by my 8 year-old in the morning, because I either, forgot to set the alarm, or just turned it off and went back to sleep. Maybe I, in someway, thought I could just 'skip' that particular day... wouldn't that be nice? If you could see a tough day coming and just hang a "Do Not Disturb" sign on your life for that particular day. My problem is, the people who would *need* to read that sign, would just ignore it and walk right on in.

Ok, so apparently no real point to this post... but for some strange reason... I feel just a little bit better.

Tomorrow should certainly be easier... and, hopefully, hang steady for a few afterwards :)

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