May 8, 2007


Before anyone aware of my present situation panics... don't!!! No, he didn't convert me. I must preface this entire post with saying that I still very much believe in God. I pray with my children every single night before bed. I believe in Heaven and Hell. But, mostly, I believe I'm spiritual.

I was raised 'in the church'. Attended fairly religiously (pun intended) from the time I can remember until just before I left for college. And for that, Mom and Dad, I thank you. I wouldn't change one single thing about my upbringing. I appreciate my Christian beginnings, the bible studies, the youth groups, the summer camps, the fellowship.

I've circumspectly traveled down the path of my spiritual growth. At one time... and this'll have them rolling over in their graves... in my very late teens, very early twenties, I actually considered myself agnostic (wow! even before I'd ever heard of the Limey!!!) I wasn't so sure about all the things I had been taught about God. I couldn't get concrete evidence... nobody could *prove* that such a thing existed. So, naturally, I questioned. And I grew. I grew up emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

I finally came to the conclusion that, yes, I do believe in God. And this remains a conclusion that I hold steadfast to this very day. But something makes me different and I'm not sure I understand why?

To sum up what I 'believe' is, actually, pretty simple. I believe that we should love our neighbor as ourselves. I believe that we should strive to do good and despise evil. I believe in the good in people, *all* people. But most of all, I believe that I have absolutely no right to pass judgement over anyone, or anything for that matter, ever.

See, I believe that my life is for me to live. Just as your life is for you to live, just as your neighbor's life is for him to live. How dare I pass judgement on someone, *anyone*, until I walk the proverbial mile? And this, I'm afraid, is where I split from the traditional values I 'should' hold near and dear.

I believe that if two people love each other, then they should be together. Simple. Of course, some will toss several arguments my way tossing out ridiculous things like 'child molesters' who profess 'love' or some other equally disturbing analogy. What I'm talking about are two consenting adults (teenagers could apply here in some cases, but we'll keep it simple). I could give a toss if they are two women, two men, one black, one purple... what flippin' difference does it make??? Why in the world would I not wish for others to feel the same amorous feelings that I feel towards my husband? It's wonderful being in love... and why should two people who share that feeling ever be told that they can't or that they are wrong??? I simply don't get it.

This leads to the judgement thing... who in the hell am I to pass judgement over anyone? Why in the world would I ever dream of telling someone that they are wrong, simply because they don't make the same choices I do??? Goodness, I've gotten it wrong so many times... I would *hope* that people don't make some of the same decisions I do!!!

I heard a sermon once... loosely paraphrased, it went something like this... If a family is not made up of a Christian man and a Christian woman, with God in the center, coming first and foremost always and forever, with various children a product of said marriage, again, putting God first and foremost always and forever, then the family is not only not a 'proper' family, but it is doomed to failure. Now, this was a sermon heard fairly recently in a church that I am fairly close to (not necessarily in distance). So, that being said... my family is doomed. Again, parted ways.

Why can't we just live our lives as good people? Mind our own business and just be nice? If someone is nice to me, does it really matter who they share a bed with? I just don't understand how anyone can answer 'yes'. I really don't.

Saying all of this, I realize that many would not consider me a Christian at all. But I do. And my God is a God who actually *does* love *everyone*. My God wouldn't want, for one second, me to hate someone simply because of the color of their skin. Unfortunately, I know, as fact, that hating someone for something so superficial is, in all actuality, not that uncommon. Where does The Bible say that it's ok to do that? I must've missed that passage.

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