June 2, 2007

the fart 'gene'

In my 35, nearly 36, years of existence, I have come to the conclusion that the scientists got it all wrong. Genetically speaking, the 'x' and 'y' chromosomes are not what make the difference between males and females... it is, to put it simply, the "Fart Gene".

Men have it, women don't. Plain and simple. Quite frankly, I could end this post right here... enough said... but, I'll take a moment to elaborate, shall I?

It's just innate, that men are more fascinated with their own flatulance, way more than women are. Unless you've been locked in a biodome, strictly inhabited by females your entire life, you've witnessed it. Everybody has. And it starts early. I'll wager a guess that not much research has actually been documented, so we'll just assume that it rears it's ugly head sometime in the early childhood stage of development.

There is a whole range of 'fart facination' out there... and I've lived with both extremes, but let me tell you... all men have it. It is probably relevant here to mention that there aren't many people out there who haven't experienced this phenomenon with my ex-husband around. Anyone who met him, with the exception of my parents, saw it. That alone would have been grounds for the divorce! Current hubby, I have to admit, is rather more polite about it, at least with other people. But, believe me when I tell you that that prim and proper accent is just a smokescreen!!! He farts, people!!! And he can be incredibly 'manly' about it, as well!!! (I'm probably sleepin' on the couch tonight for that, but it's worth it!! Right????)

I've resigned myself that my son will not be able to escape it. As much as I try to raise him to be a polite little chap, he already has the ability to fart on demand. And he does. Much to my dismay. I suppose, at this point, I can only try to teach him when it is appropriate to share that talent and when it isn't.

So, I plead with the biologists and geneticists out there... for the love of Pete (whoever the hell he is)... please, please find a way to isolate that buggar and rid us of it at once!!!!!

1 comment:

Steve said...

I farted on the couch :p